The first one

I always have to be the first one
To fulfill the goals of everyone around.
The first whose professional life early begun,
Or who the cure of a sickness found.

No matter what I do
I’m the first one to move.
Like a soldier.
Better so, like a puppet.
Lifeless, ready to do whatever they want.

I’m sick of it.
I have to cut my strings.
I don’t care if I fall.
I wanna be the first one
To do my own free will.

Hypoglycemic

She was trembling,
Shaking.
Her skin so pale,
Ghost-like.
I was fearing the worst,
Her death.
False alarm?
She was hypoglycemic.

But she was so close!
Oh, God, no!
Her heart rate so erratic.
Could I do like with everybody?
There was no dextrose nearby.
(This hospital is the worst!)
Until it became static,
All silence around.
Really, some coke?
Her glucose stable.
I could sleep again.

Street

I see him doing the same everyday.
He buys flowers, wears the same tuxedo.
Stops before crossing the street,
Sees the building in front of him
And returns to his place.
It’s the same.
No matter if it rains, snows,
If it’s windy or sunny.
Doesn’t he care about the poor flowers?
Or the tuxedo he washes and is always soaking wet?
No, he doesn’t care.

This has to stop.

Today I wear casual clothes.
At least I don’t look chaotic.
I see him coming out.
And he stops.
A smile crosses his face.
“Why are you smiling?”,
I ask.
“Didn’t you know? You’re exotic”.
Stunned.
He was waiting for me.
He didn’t feel strong enough
To cross the street
And ask me out.

Photo taken from dorama Playful Kiss

Didn't you know? You're exotic.

Didn’t you know? You’re exotic.

Hidden muse

There’s no lie in the truth
And there’s no light in the dark.
But one can’t live without the other
As you can’t live without me around the corner.

I was your safe point
Until I figured out
You would never go to second base
Or even the first one.
I wasn’t that important.

Never mind. I don’t care anymore.
I’m writing these lines you’ll never read.
Or maybe you will, but you won’t recognize
The hidden muse you were for me, from the inside.

Dazzle

You pay attention to everything I do.
It doesn’t matter if it’s bad or good.
My smile, my tears.
My happiness and my fears.
Everything is captivating.
According to you.

It isn’t that I’m perfect.
It’s your love (such a marvel).
I don’t know, I just wonder
What I did to dazzle you.
And it will remain as that
Since you never said
And you’re far away
In a place I can’t reach.

To say…

To say that I liked you…

No, the correct verb is love.

To say that I loved you isn’t enough.

You made me sweet and smooth.

 

I wanted to kiss you like the moon kisses the forest,

But you ran away, lilke the sun rushes from the moon

And they can see nothing about the other.

 

I wanted to hold you in my arms

Like the waves touch the sand

But you became a rock,

Barely touched,

And the sun vaporized the little water was left.

 

There were a lot of things I wanted

But you needed none, or so you said.

Anyway, you didn’t love me,

So I was sent to fly

With my wings broken.

 

To say that I loved you is admitting I used to love.

I feel like that no more.

To say that I don’t feel is more accurate.

Because I don’t care anymore. just_broken_heart_01large

 

Last wish

What will I feel on my last minute?
Maybe loneliness, or sorrow.
I might be thinking: “Is this the end?”
And I’ll feel how mi heart stops,
My eyes will stop their work
And my brain will think no more.

Will it be my doom?

With no heart beat,
No breathing,
No thinking,
My existence will stop.
No way back.
I’ll be deceased.

Will it be painful?
Who knows!
No one has come back from the eternal journey.

I’m sure I’ll keep hearing
Because it’s the last sense to go.
I’ll hear the crying and screaming…
I might not have a quick final rest.

But, will I care about what I’ll feel?
No. Not that I care that much now.
To feel or not to feel. That’s the question.
Just physiology. So what!

There’s only one thing I’d like to feel.
That I did everything I could.
Nothing could stop me.
And, even when everything looked like a big storm
I could defeat what some considered the worst.
So, my last wish is to live, and be happy with it.